I got sober in 2020. Through the heat of the summer, I spent a great deal of
time with my bare, unadulterated self. I spent the year unlearning old habits, forcing
myself to feel my feelings, and when my body wanted the path of least resistance—the
magic ways I’d learned to numb the pain—I had to fight like hell to stay present and
take new actions, to dig new rivers.
Summer 2020 presented its share of global and national pain to be acknowledged,
felt, metabolized. Collective grief and discomfort was at the forefront of daily experience.
I often felt like the ways my life was shifting mirrored the ways that America was
being pushed to pay attention, to rise, and to adapt.
It had never occurred to me that I could be the villain in someone else’s story, or
One of the more well-known aspects of recovery from addiction is the process of
making amends to those you have harmed. It’s another non-negotiable part of sustainable
change: honestly examining the past and taking responsibility for the fallout of past
versions of ourselves.